normally, i’d spend most of my holidays in a (non-drunken) stupor at home. i’d be sleeping and eating, wasting so much time being alone, wondering why i was such a misfit who didn’t have enough friends to go out with. the thought of cca would even be vaguely exciting, since i’d be able to step out of the house for a reason. basically, holidays were when i’d suddenly find too much time on my hands, spacing out and eventually hating it. then when term re-opened i would ask myself why i didn’t spend the holidays studying, proceed to make a mental checklist of it for the next holiday. i always forget, though.
PW’s over. OP ended last Friday, i had mine on the first day. my maths teacher came in for internal moderation and it became so much better because i actually grew from being non-intimidated(i don’t know how i managed to convince myself so) to being a little confident. i don’t think the rest of the class knew that he was our teacher since they don’t take H2 maths, so what the heck they never needed any reassurance anyway.
i don’t have anything to worry about now, technically, but the A Levels are scaring me. i can’t believe i thought my results were decent, satisfactory even. the truth is that the grades are quite shameful. i know i will start revision, but i don’t know when i will do it. i know i have to clean my room up before any motivation can dare to trickle in. things have changed, so much. i know what i’m in for next year will change my life, and honestly i am not prepared. sure i’ve grown up a lot this past year, but i don’t think it can actually prepare me for this. how i’ve changed… doesn’t have the right focus? hasn’t helped me mature, only grow up? isn’t adequate, even? it remains unknown and all i can do, all i have to do is to study hard for the first time in my life. i don’t have a lot of time left.
anyway, i’ve been really busy. no more mooching around the house. i’ve been shopping, and bought things that i won’t regret - though i already knew what i wanted exactly for some items. planning for guitar outing/camp/concert has only just begun, and things will get busier, i’m sure. i’ve also been reading again, so hopefully i’ll finish the unread books i have first, then the library.
it’s the time now to make decisions, and i trust myself with those that i have made. i will not take anything that isn’t right for me anymore.